They say...

They say she's different, crazy, special, weird, alien, born on another planet, out of normal etc. They think they know her very well. And they might be right because they are her family and friends. They know her pretty well to make statements about the way she is.
But maybe they don't know or understand why she's acting so crazily. She doesn't even know herself. Maybe because they like her being like that. They even say she is optimistic, a positive thinker. That is really odd... Years ago she used to be the most pessimistic person ever. Things have changed so much lately. She had to become stronger for them, her family and her friends. She has to support them each day, make them smile and rediscover the positive pieces from their complicated puzzle. Sometimes this is tiring, but at the same time it is very pleasant to see the ones she loves laughing and hoping again... This way she learnt to complain and cry less because there are people out there who have to face bigger problems than hers.

So she found out that helping her beloved ones when they are in need is a good thing not only for them, but at the same time for her because as she sees them gaining strength and the wish to continue, she gets the same feeling as they do... However, when sometimes she finds herself depressed and sad, she realizes that she doesn't have anyone there who could listen to her. She is sure that those who care for her would be there when she needs somebody to talk to, but she thinks it is better not to share her bad mood with anyone... except her dairy maybe...

There are the others, people who know her less, who she has just met... Who knows what they think about her? She knows that she still has that weakness from her teenage years, she knows she still lacks self-confidence most of the times. She hates that very much, but how can she change? She has tried to change for so many years. There is some progress in her attitude and behaviour but not enough... She still feels overwhelmed when talking with self-confident persons, she still feels uncomfortable when she feels that the person who she talks to is much stronger... She wishes she had changed completely because now being herself doesn't help too much. It makes her want to run away from people, she feels that people don't like her because she is too quiet and this is so unpleasant... And sometimes it makes her wanna cry and shout and disappear... But she doesn't do any of that... She has so many other things to handle that she doesn't have time to shed useless tears...

She prays for a change...