Emma's Pages (16)

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The day she died, she left her entire soul scattered all over the bed, on the messy purple sheets she loved so much, where she used to get lost in the arms of random lovers, every night she broke up with the same old boyfriend.

She left her scent in the wardrobe, among elegant dresses and loose t-shirts, flowery jammies and shabby socks, sexy stockings and fancy bras.

She left thoughts and ideas scribbled on the pages of the books she loved the most, small drawings and smiley faces based on what the books she was reading inspired her or on the mood she was already in that very moment.

She left so many stories in her box of jewellery, pieces of silver or gold, or even plastic and marble jewelry she has collected the past 4 years from all countries she's been visiting.

Emma walked into her best friend's room that was now gone. She was overwhelmed by the pain of this terrible news she has received only a couple of hours ago. She still couldn't believe it! Adeline was gone. Gone...

A bottle of wine was still open on the small table next to the window. A lot of random stuff lied there. Two empty glasses of wine, a blue pen, a sparkly nail polish, the silver bracelet she stole from her mother when she run away from home, 10 years ago. An open book with a few ripped pages was on the floor, next to a pile of all sorts of crumpled clothes.

Emma picked a sweater from the pile and felt the perfume of Adeline. Her favourite perfume since they were in college. A little bit spicy, a little bit sweet, with a pinch of vanilla scent, matching her colourful personality. Emma held the sweater to her chest and tears silently flooded her eyes. Adeline was gone and she left so many things behind, a lot of grief and why's, too many broken hearts and tears to shed...

Emma's Pages (15)

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you're full of doubts...

and so am I.

but we'll never know

unless we try...

Emma's Pages (14)

 
Do you know why people love you so much? I think you know it, don't you?...

You carry that genuine light, that soothing and yet sparkling inner peace, that cozy warmth that not many people have been endowed with.

One does not have to be close to you or know you personally to feel that. It's in everything you show and in every word you write or say. Even if you are a million miles away, that is something one cannot miss. You have something from beyond this twisted world and, being aware of it or not, everybody is thirsty of that kind of stuff.

You're one of the persons that people follow like the butterflies follow the light. Because your creativity, your inspiring personality, your high level of dedication to everything you are in touch with, be it profession, family or friends, all put together is so beautifully overwhelming and cannot simply be unnoticed.

You are my kind of magic and this is why you are in my "collection" of special souls that I will always keep close to my heart. Because knowing that people like you exist makes the world a better place to live...

Emma's Pages (13)

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- I have to go..., Matthew whispered.

- Yeah..., Emma said.

- I... I don't have any of my things here... and... it's getting late, he added.

Then he raised pulling her closer, sticking his forehead to hers.

- This is the right thing to do..., he could barely speak.

- I know... 

Emma looked into his sad eyes... She knew he was right. She was confused, thrilled and scared at the same time. Her heart was beating faster. The feelings grew stronger and she was so damn aware that she loved him more and more with every breath she took... 

But... she just couldn't allow herself to become the third element in his messed-up relationship. Her dignity and life principles were keeping her realistic. She had to let him go, so that he worked things through first...Even if she was so sick and tired of doing the things the way she had to and not how she wished to.

She wanted to live more the way she felt and to forget about the rules, the boundaries and about everything that would keep her apart from the man she loved and who loved her back...

 

Emma's Pages (12)

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- I would do anything for you..., he whispered, holding her face in his hands. 
- I know... this is why I will never ask you to do anything for me, she replied curling up on his chest.

Emma's Pages (11)

- Because I never liked it on the stage, I've always avoided to be in the spotlight.
I'm a backstage person and I don't think I will ever change.
While you, my dear, you are quite the opposite. So tell me, what makes you think this will work? It's like the moon and the sun. They never meet! Do you get my point?, she asked in a nervous voice.
- I get your point, he said calmly. But you're missing this from the equation: backstage or spotlight, moon or sun, we are both creative, right?
- Yeah... and?
- Aaaand... we will create our own eclipse!, he said confidently, kissing her gently on the forehead.

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Emma's Pages (10)

- I hate you!, she said faintly, struggling to escape his hug.
for every bitter tear you made me spill for you

for every moment of loneliness I didn't know how to fill anymore

for every day I had to bear when I thought you were away forever

for every night I spent counting stars instead of counting dreams

for every photo I had to rip apart to kill the pain so that it didn't kill me first

for every cold coffee I had to throw away because it had no taste without you...

I hate you so much..., she said again.

- I love you too...,  he whispered, holding her tighter in his arms.

Emma's Pages (9)

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He slowly hacked her heart, her feelings, crawling under her skin, sheltering inside her blood like a drug you get addicted of forever.

But the best part was that she loved this addiction more than she loved her freedom and she would have never wanted to be cured...

Emma's Pages (8)

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- Where to go when you don't find anywhere the silence and peace you are looking for, when you feel so overwhelmed by the people and by their endless blah-blah? 
- Isn't your soul good enough for that?
- My soul?! Ha!... That's the loudest and noisiest place I've ever been, dude!, she replies laughing.

Emma's Pages (7)

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- It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever lived and felt..., Emma said with sparkling eyes. 

- And then??, Annie asked bewildered and impatient.

- You see, it was too much magic in one single place of the world, there was much more magic than two people could ever handle together. It was... beautifully overwhelming. This is why we broke up.
- Huh? You have to be kidding me, Annie jumped with frustration.
- I knew you wouldn't understand,  Emma said with a half-sad, half-amused smile and left the house, getting lost in the fresh air of the garden.

Emma's pages (6)

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- Do you miss him?
- No, I really don't.
- And then? Who do you miss? 
- No one..., Emma said, shrugging her shoulders and looking away.
- Come on, I can see the longing in your eyes, Martha insisted.
- Well, I guess that's exactly the problem. There's no one out there I would miss... Actually, I think I miss having someone to miss.  Funny, isn't it?...

Emma's pages (5)

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While he was holding her hand tight, she was craving for a hug, she was wondering how it would be to lean her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes and enjoying that sweet moment.
She spotted something in his eyes, a different light than what she was used to, the warmth you gaze at a dear person with. Something has changed since she last saw him a couple of weeks ago.

What she didn't know is that Matthew would have kissed her, right there, that very moment, if the nurse had left the room even for a second. But she didn't.

Who is Emma? ツ

Frankly, I have no clue who Emma really is. 
She might become the main character from a future novel I will write... if this ever happens.

She might be a random girl, the typical one, who falls in love too fast with the wrong guy and in the end she realizes that it is better that he wasn't the one.

She might be the geek of the class and when she grows up, because she pursued her dreams, she becomes the science person she worked so much to become.

She might be the badass girl in her group that no one likes because she has the coolest clothes, the best makeup, the awesomest jewelry and most of all, she says straight in your face what she thinks, whether you like it or not.

She might be the shy clumsy girl that never does anything right and people avoid her because she, apparently, carries bad luck.

She might be the wicked sister who makes a hell out of her brother's live as a child and then out of her so-called friends' existence.

She could be the girl who always dreamed of becoming a ballerina, but because of some reasons, she ends up teaching The History of Arts at a poor rated high school. Now she is determined to take her dreams back, if this is possible in any way.

Or she could be... so many many other types of person, better or worse... 
Oh well, if she ends up in a novel I will ever write, she can be whoever she wants. Or whoever I want, right? :)


However, who would you like Emma to be? Any ideas?

Emma's Pages (4)

You know, I thought, really, really thought... actually no, wait, I was so damn sure that due to the high level of personal development I managed to reach during my journey, there was nothing and no one in this world that could ever make my heart shrink with doubts, or insecurities, or even pain in the end.

I was so wrong, God!... I can't believe it... I thought myself so much stronger than I really am, so much more stable, so much more prepared to confront standing on my feet everything that could possibly hit me, be it a complicated issue, a disease or... or even unshared love...

I was so wrong, my protective titanium shield got broken, I've never noticed this before: the holes, the scratches, the missing pieces... until today when I find myself as the frailest being of all, the weakest and so easy to hurt, the way I've never imagined I would  become... all over again.

Emma's Pages (3)

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Dear diary,

Do you know what is sad?

The fact that some of us will die eventually with lots of "what ifs" hanging on our hearts.

And that's not because we didn't have the courage to try, not at all. But because we had the power to accept the reality and because we understood that trying would have broken many many things... like hearts... and would have turned too many things upside down... like lives... And that's too big of a price for an insanity moment to be satisfied...

You know what's even sadder?

The fact that we only live one life which we take for granted and don't live it the right way.

And that the same life is not enough for all the things some of us would crave to become, for all the people we'd like to get to know in all the possible ways...

Emma's Pages (2)

[EN]:

Emma was trying on her new dress, staring at herself in the wardrobe's mirror... She was so delighted by the design of the dress, its colours, its shape, that it didn't even cross her mind what life had in store fore her yet. 

And life, in the soft light of the September sun, seemed to become softer itself, preparing for Emma nothing more than a date with her beloved one... for now.

[RO]:

Emma se privi lung în oglinda dressing-ului, aranjându-şi rochia în culori... Era atât de încântată de design-ul rochiei, de culoare, de formă, încât nici prin minte nu-i trecea ce îi mai pregătea viaţa... 

Iar viaţa, în lumina blândă a soarelui de septembrie, parcă se îmblânzea şi ea. Nu-i pregătea momentan decât o întâlnire cu omul iubit... 

Emma's Pages (1)

It was the first time in her life when Emma didn't mind the unmade bed. His scent still lingering within the crumpled sheets, she already missed him so much, even though she knew she will see him again a few hours later.

It was the first time when she just loved the mere clutter on her coffee table: the crumbles from the chocolate muffins they ate together, his empty cup of coffee, her barely touched cup of tea, the unfolded napkins here and there...

And again, it was the first time when the cigarette smoke that sneaked in from the balcony didn't bother her. The smoldering ashtray carried the smoke into the living where Emma comfortably sat on the couch, feeling her entire being wrapped with pieces of him.

She didn't dare to bring her dreams back to life yet... but she knew she was happy!