Childish obsession

 

Just this!...

If only...

If only I were a flower in a garden embraced by angels,

If only I were a kiss on your dry lips,

If only I were the sun after a summer storm,

If only I were a clumsy waltz step,

If only I were that angelic smile on your face,

If only I were dead and alive at the same time,

If only I gave my soul in exchange for a day in Heaven,

If only I sang under water and all the fish got deaf,

If only throwing stones at someone would hurt more than heartaches,

If only this night inside would go away with Vanish,

If only wishes, and not curses, came true,

If only God walked on Earth again and heal us with a word,

If only my heart was always right...

If only feelings were like dust... I'd brush them off and they'd disappear...

She raised, wasted, from the mud of her tiny soul... She was so sorry, didn't mean to hurt anyone. She had the most beautiful red rose in the world. It was all hers, with wild thorns and blinding sparkles, with its grey eyes and heavenly fragrance... But she was not happy anymore... So she took the chance to dream about something else, a pure, white, incredibly sacred lily... It was so far that she couldn't even see it and still she didn't care about the distance or time. She had enough patience, was going to wait a little more until she could get it, to have it safe in her full of love garden. 

But eventually, her dreams crushed, just like that! How stupid she was to believe so much that her greatest wish would come true! The lily was taken by someone special, like itself. She didn't see that coming, of course. She was to busy with her foolish daydreaming and took no action. How on earth was she going to make it if she didn't move a finger for what she wanted?! 

The rose is still there, in a forgotten corner, full of dust, hatred and lonely... She really screwed it this time...

Lessons

They say the best thing to do is to follow your heart, but I've learnt that this can cause more damage than if I don't. 

It's a fact! I followed my heart step by step, in the strangest places, and accepted the deepest feelings I could ever have got to know... And guess what happened? I've got smashed, broken and full of nothingness... 

Never felt so dark before, never felt so un-winged in my life...

Scratches, bruises and lots of poison, these are the leftovers from my soul... I've finally learnt what happens when I dare dreaming too high, aiming so much... So many unreal wishes, so many tears I never left falling, so many struggles, so many white nights... I think we all have one of this moments, when all we want and need is to go in the farthest corner of the earth and cry, and cry, and cry, and cry... until we dry inside and care about nothing more...

But even so, I'm not strong enough to let them loose, I don't have enough reasons to give up fighting... Even if my dreams will NEVER come true! Why??? Is there a damn good reason for this?... I'm sure I'll never find out... The only thing left to do is to get up from this whole and rebuilt it all again, piece by piece, breath by breath... Even if it takes a million years more!

Will I be able to do it?...

Playing with my camera

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