Două cuvinte… şi jumătate

... Într-o zi mi-am dat seama că îmi lipseşte o jumătate din suflet. Acel caiet cu poezii schiţate încă din copilărie. Unde? Cum? Sau... cine? N-am aflat. Însă am supravieţuit,  înjumătăţită, aproape oarbă, şchiopătând şi mâzgălită pe margini cu creioane ascuţite.

 Cum inspiraţia nu a încetat să curgă şi resursele fiind inepuizabile, am creat blogul, metoda perfectă să  reconstruiesc ce am pierdut. Piesele din puzzle-ul descompus sunt evident altele, dar fundaţia este aceeaşi.

Şi pentru că sunt momente în care imaginaţia evadează nebună din rutina zilnică, am decis să o pun la grea încercare. Am împrietenit-o pe rând cu mâinile, croşeta, gândurile, cuvintele, cerneala, creioanele colorate şi foile albe ce aşteaptă nerăbdatoare să-şi facă treaba…

Răcoare şi verdeaţă

Parcurile sunt o binecuvântare într-un oraş atât de mare unde canicula se resimte ca un cuptor odios.
Plimbările pe malul lacurilor, printre copaci şi vedeaţă sunt nelipsite în zilele sufocante. Pentru mine aceste mici escapade sunt cu adevărat o sursă de inspiraţie, de răcorire atât a sufletului, cât şi a trupului, de reîncărcare a bateriilor şi de a petrece timp alături de oamenii dragi.

Un colţ de natură

Unul dintre puţinele motive pentru care găsesc Bucureştiul suportabil îl reprezintă parcurile pe care le frecventez ori de câte ori am ocazia, de regulă în weekend-uri sau seara după muncă.
Aceste două poze sunt din Herăstrău. Dacă nu ar fi atât de aglomerat, m-aş simţi ca acasă, în oraşul natal, o localitate subcarpatică liniştită, înconjurată de dealuri împădurite, loc magic unde mă simt din nou copil de fiecare dată când mă întorc acolo.

Câteva cadre în Herăstrău

Chiar şi aparatul meu foto compact se încăpăţânează să surprindă cât de bine poate frumuseţile naturii :)

Bujori

Se spune că galben este culoarea geloziei. În mai, toate florile sunt geloase pe frumuseţea şi parfumul bujorilor :)

 

Timp

Nu avem timp... să dormim, să mâncăm cum trebuie, să ne plimbăm, să facem patul dimineaţa, să ne ridicăm de pe scaunul de la birou ca să bem apă, să ne petrecem mai mult timp cu cei dragi sau să-i sunăm mai des, să ieşim cu prietenii, să ne rugăm, să ne închinăm când trecem pe lângă o biserică, să gătim, să ne relaxăm, să ne dedicăm hobby-urilor noastre, să ne tundem, să ne jucăm cu animăluţul de casă, să alergăm pe câmpii. să visăm, să ne jucăm, să râdem, să chicotim, să citim etc...

Şi când va veni clipa mult nedorită si va trebui să părăsim această lume, o să avem un singur regret: că nu am trăit aşa cum am vrut, că nu am facut aproape nimic din ce ne-am propus... De ce? pentru că NU AM AVUT TIMP!!! Pentru că nu ne-am făcut timp, nu am ştiut să apreciem ce am avut şi să ne bucurăm de viaţă până în cele mai mici detalii...

Dar indiferent de cum alegem să ne petrecem viaţa, "Madam cu coasa" va veni după fiecare, pe rând, răbdătoare. De ce? Pentru că ea are timp pentru fiecare dintre noi...

Versus

Mes arbres ensommeillés dans tes châteaux d’eau vie,

Mon jardin en couleurs criardes sous tes sables morts,

Ton histoire enterrée  dans les profondeurs de ma géographie en zigzag,

Tes sculptures fausses mises dans mon âme partie de vacances,

Mes brouillons illisibles coupés autour de ton talent naturel…

Tu les chantes, je les écris…

Mon caractère penchant,  se noyant dans la mer de ton sang,

Ton vieux parapluie jeté dans ma tempête - des gouttes d’amour brûlant,

Ma fleur d’enfance, encore endormie, dans ta poche ravagée par ce songe banal,

Tes bras, autrement modelés, envahis par ta pauvre anachorète…

Tes transports de douleur cachés dans ma carte des berceuses…

Tu les commences, je les finis…

Chez moi ou chez toi,

Je ne cesse pas de te confier ma folie insupportable,

Tu cesse pour un moment de chanter tes envies cyniques…

La forêt d’automne si sage dans mes yeux

Versus

Le ciel d’été trop sauvage dans les tiens…

(photo source: www.facebook.com)

Once upon a thousand times (3)

 Missing half

Once upon a time there was this half-girl. She woke up from her half empty bed, washed half of her face and, half aware of what she felt, she began to live a new half of a day.

She read half of a book, called her best friend half of minute, told her half of a story and went to shopping. She filled half of her basket, paid only half of the money and returned home half limping...

She went into the kitchen were she washed half of the dishes, ate half of an apple and went out in the garden.

She enjoyed the dark half of the sun, picked half of a rose and thought how half dead she was...

Her half of the day has passed so fast and she went to her half empty bed, half crying, closing half of her eyes, dreaming how happy she would be if she weren't so fully broken...

(Photo source: blogspot.com)

Natural disaster

      

      When you hold on so much and don't cry when you feel like crying, your heart betrays you eventually. And your eyes, even before you notice, release all those tears you kept inside for so long. Then it becomes so much harder to handle them... Now that's what I call a spiritual flood, the only flood in the world that can make you feel better... If you are strong enough not to lose control...

Anomalies

•Huge heart vs. nothing to fill it with

•Feeling like crying and throwing up your crappy soul vs. doing your best to smile and look happy

•Unhappy parents vs. those shitty people making their lives miserable

•So much cold undesired winter inside and outside vs. craving for spring, warmth and sunny days

•Saying “yes” vs. actually wanting to say “no”

•A big bed vs. no one to sleep next to you

•Too many beautiful dreams vs. having no one to share them with and make them come true

•Ardent desire to do so many things vs. lack of time and / or money

•Designed to become THAT someone vs. feeling like a character in the wrong movie

Etc. etc. etc…

Once upon a thousand times (2)

 I was... I am...

Once upon a time I was a cherry... Living on the highest branch, with my best friend, a striped sparrow... I remember he was there from the very day I was born. I was a bud, shy and shivering in the still cold wind of spring. Watching everything around, trying to get used to the height, enjoying every moment when my friend was there, especially when the sun was going to sleep… His song was my favourite lullaby...

  I was growing up so fast, becoming an innocent flower, that kind of flower that brings peace inside a soul.  After a while, my petals fell. All of us lost their pure dresses. I was so sad. Only the humans were full of joy and I can’t figure out why...

  Then I got round and began to fatten, blushing everyday more. I think my left cheek was a little bit more shiny.

  I still remember the day the humans killed my brothers… I can’t forget the horror! One rapacious hand  tried so badly to grab me, but I was unreachable, fortunately. From that moment on I knew that wasn’t a coincidence… But what life had in store for me was a complete mystery. I was left there, on my branch, all alone… Even my friend visited me very rarely. He had a family of his own…

    I used to wonder how long it will take until I… I fall, until I crush, smashing my red face on the ground… and die…

    I was so afraid… and sad as I felt something growing inside me, a soul, a life… Was it a heart? Was it a baby, a piece of me? Or what…? I wanted to know so many things, but who could give me all the answers?...

    I didn’t have time to find out because… well, yes, on a muddy rainy day the unexpected happened. I was caught by an unknown force,  pulling me down… down… down… I felt no pain, to my surprise… I was buried deep inside the hungry cold ground. I closed my entire being, putting aside all that I have ever lived, seen or felt…

    It was then when I was reborn, when that something I was feeling inside came out, not a baby, but my soul… The new me, the new life bringer… It was then when I began to be what I am now, leaf by leaf, flower by flower, branch by branch, growing every year more, becoming that cherry tree I never thought I would be… Hosting now hundreds of cherries  like I once was… I am so proud of them… And come to think I would have never enjoyed all this without their help, their efforts, their water during the droughty days…Maybe humans are not that bad after all...

Doctor

Taking care of all these souls is not an easy job. Is like trying to remove the dust from a bunch of already cracked crystal glasses. Every second there is a high risk of breaking them, only by touching them. 

There's no other way... You love them all and you can't let them get lost in the misery. If only you could be able to remove all the spots that cover their beautiful petals, if only you could put a smile on their lips forever and erase those heavy tears, if only you could repair their hurt wings so that they can fly again carelessly...

But you can only look them in the eyes, open your heart, your special box of good advices and fairy words and show them how much you care from the bottom of your heart. You suddenly transform into their strongest pillar in their worst moments. You gladly offer them your shoulder if they need it, a helping hand and your entire support... Though... you wish they never needed all this. You wish their lives were flawless, cloudless, you wish they had a thousand reasons to smile and be happy... forever...

Far from reality, lost in all these dreams and hopes, you raise, look in the mirror: "What about your soul?..." 
You smile, take a deep breath and: "My soul? It can wait, even a lifetime. Don't worry..."

Doi

Praful de stele din ochii gri şi cuminţi,

mâna pe jumătate adormită, prinsă în mrejele castanii încă...

Vocea ta, floare delicată de magnolie,

vibrând alene prin vise în culori.

Bucăţi din tine!

Le adun şi le spulber,

le strâng într-un pumn de amintiri frumoase

şi le arunc la întâmplare...

Vântul nervos le împrăştie departe,

unde nici cu gândul nu pot ajunge.

Le transformă, le modelează haotic.

Te ascunde, te schimbă...

Nu rămâne nimic pentru o clipă... nici măcar speranţa...

Inimă grea, otrăvită...

Frunză uscată de arţar, călcată în picioare de un miriapod;

Inimă spartă, crestată pe margini fără milă...

Dar...

Fluturi grei, aripi ascunse în lumini

îţi povestesc singura cale pe care o cunoşti dintotdeauna...

Paşi din cer te poartă înapoi viu, complet, până la ultima picătură de sânge.

Te primesc şi te cutremuri...

Îmi săruţi venele, parfumul, gândurile, fiinţa!

Te ating, te prind, te gust, te trăiesc!

Changes

Is that evil angel sitting on his left shoulder... Kisses get bitter, the sunrise is burning and growing up has never hurt this bad. 

It's like having picked the wrong fortune cookie, predicting the bad luck, the misery he is going to go through from now on. Those so much craved sweets, those random pieces, those full of mystery steps on the floor... 

Nothing changed, he keeps singing the same songs, touching the same hands, calling the same past, but still the courage is low and he cannot be there anymore... His heart is broken and gave up waiting. Playing by the same rules is no longer acceptable and desired...

Now he's going to that place, the only one he knows and needs now... The boulevard of broken hearts...

Once upon a thousand times (1)

   

 Burden

   Once upon a time, there was an empty box, called Luce. Wooden, classically carved, destined to be a shelter for burdens.

    Luce was waiting everyday to be filled by something. But no one seemed to notice he existed. They kept him in a corner, in the attic ever since they brought him. Anyway, he was patient, dreaming that some good books will be his guests some day. Those sweet love novels written by a famous writer he has heard about so often. Or maybe he’ll have the chance to keep inside the history of a baby, some colourful toys the little one has played with during his early years. Or who knows what they  might use him for… This is the way Luce spent his existence, thinking and waiting, and thinking and waiting, and….

    One day, he felt something very unpleasant, heavy, like someone had dropped all the darkness in the Universe inside… What was that? He suddenly felt sad, depressed, unhappy, all these together and he realized that what was thrown in there, invading his space, his emptiness, was a dead, miserable, broken heart. A heart that has passed through the rainiest autumn ever, that has endeavoured too many avalanches, that had nothing left… Nothing but this box to lay down and put itself together, maybe...

    Luce, as the time went by, felt that this new unexpected burden became every day more unbearable, but isn’t this what he was designed for? Wasn’t he waiting for something? He only got what he desired… at least partially…

   

   But then a miracle happened...

Short

This butterfly has cancer... His wings are not dark blue anymore, they are turning pale and he's full of deadly spots... He has been thrown in the middle of chaos, in an acid rain drop that completely changed him... He tried to fly again, to breathe the weight of the storm, to absorb within his tiny soul the last hours of life on a fairy leaf...

But he couldn't make it. He jumped right in the arms of that monster, who was waiting for him, starving and craving for those noble wings, those soft microscopic eyes, that short cursed destiny on Earth...

Who or what can save him? Who or what can make the supreme sacrifice so that he lives?...

No one, of course. Full of hope he will be born again some day, some other life, on another planet; he closes his eyes and cares no more... It's over, right here, right now...

And he didn't even get the chance to...

Let them in

They are coming back... People from your past... When you least expect it, it happens! 

You thought you'd never see them or hear about them again... But here they are. You talk to them or even meet them. You find out so much about what they've become since you've seen them last time and it makes you smile with joy knowing that they are ok  :)

And it feels kind of good to have them back. (I mean, why not?) They say everything happens for a reason. You might wonder sometimes what is the reason for this and find no answer. But who cares anyway? They are persons you cared about somehow, who meant a lot for you at that time and you're glad they are back, even if they have changed and so did your relationship with them.

However, God knows better. And you can do nothing but accepting or rejecting their presence into your life.. Your choice will be, of course, the first one as you know you have so much to learn from every person that walks next to you on your path...

Dilemma

I had a friend once ... She was one of my best friends... So I thought at that time... But I don't know what happened... I was happy with all I had, I was feeling blessed with all that and of course I was sharing it with the beloved ones, including her... I think it was then when she started to act strangely. I felt that she ignored me and wasn't very pleased with me being happy. Although she had almost all she wanted from life. Anyway, I didn't feel ok about the way she was treating me sometimes. Maybe I exaggerated and I acted a little bit immature when I decided to put an end to that relationship and the way I did it. Now it seems so stupid. She did wrong, I did wrong. We acted like silly girls, instead of trying to accept each other with all our flaws and qualities. I guess this is a very important thing to do, accepting the other even if he/ she is not perfect..

I am sorry, she knows that. I don't know if she is sorry too, but... We are supposed to be acquaintances, at least in theory, but we haven't spoken to each other for more than a year...

However, now, when I look behind, I cannot stand but having a few regrets and a dilemma. Will it be OK to try a new link with her or... is it better to let things just the way they are ?...

After all, I already have three true best friends...

Best wishes

Shall you find roses in life, may you enjoy their scent and fragile petals...

Shall you get lost in creepy forests, may you have the strength to look up to the sky, use your wings to fly beyond the clouds and touch the rainbow...

Shall you ever have to walk through rain, may you be able to realize that every drop is a musical note that together make the most beautiful waltz of life, so that you can learn to dance it.

Shall December be too harsh, may you carry in your soul April sun's warm and sweet smile to comfort you.

Shall love take your hand and guide you through life, may you never let go because, as they say sometimes: Love can be a tiny hand holding your finger, a slobbery wet kiss, little chubby cheeks, and an innocent sweet smile...

La vie en gris

Petite enfante, vêtue dans des haillons, chantant des hymnes inconnus à haute voix...

Tes murs sont si tristes quelquefois. Tes peintures craquées, jetées sur la terre, ne racontent plus de braves histoires. Tous les hommes osent les fouler aux pieds sans pitié.

Tu n'est pas folle, ma chère, quoique tu voles toujours haut que les nuages, espérant qu'un jour ta main touche au moins un rayon de soleil. Mais la pluie joue avec toi maintenant. Les gouttes étincelantes dansent sur toi, envahissent même ton âme qui est si loin..

Tu cherches un arc-en-ciel pour te cacher, pour nuancer un peu tes yeux fatigués.

Les mains dans les poches, tu trouves une pièce d'un puzzle qui ne t'appartient pas et aussi un vide que tu devrais commencer à remplir en ce moment. C'est très simple, tu sais. Car dans ton univers éclaté, tu as suffisants crayons de couleurs pour en créer encore un. Ne crains rien. Tu est forte, si forte que tu pourrais construire ton propre soleil, à partager, si tu veux, avec tous ceux qui t’entourent.